I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
