I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
