I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
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