Kiss
Puke
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I lost the right to judge tonight
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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