I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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