I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
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