we were pretty classy up until the second keg
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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