He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
