i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
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