I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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