Where did you get a picture of my penis
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
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