He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Randomize