Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
