I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Randomize
