i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
My ass is underappreciated
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
