all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
