She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
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She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
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She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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