he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
What a dumb baby whore.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
