I'm laying in your front yard are you home
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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