DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
im six kinds of drunk right now
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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