I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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