She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
