How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
