You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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