You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
