It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
