I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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