only you would photoshop your dick
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
