no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
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