Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
