i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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