I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
no. you can't hotbox the world.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Randomize
