FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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