I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
