i permit you to call me
Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
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