The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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