I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Randomize
