i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
