the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Randomize
