I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
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