I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Randomize
