just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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