so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
