woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
