Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
im having a threesome with these popsicles
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
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