went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Randomize
