So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
We need a shit load of segways right now
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
