Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
When are your genitals available?
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Randomize
