its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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