i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
