If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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