he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Still dying that you shit outside
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
