he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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