It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Randomize
