Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
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