Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
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