One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
