I feel great
I just peed on a car
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
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A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
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