Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
