im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
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Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
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