bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Randomize
