Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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