You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
