I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
