Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
