we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
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