I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
How's work?
Spinning.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize
