Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Randomize