i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
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