My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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