sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Randomize
