He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
