remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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