I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize