My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
