Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
