does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Randomize
