Well douche your snatch and let's go!
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
