Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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