just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
