I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
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