sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Randomize
